Bring on the Rain

This evening I broke the news to my roomate that Id be moving back to the mainland. He was bummed, as was I.

I guess this is bothering me a bit more than my previous post would seem to indicate.

Hes a really good guy, and we got along remarkably well. Hes a science teacher and we easily procrastinated many times by discussing evolutionary theory, emergence, social computing and highlighting various hacker anecdotes. As may or may not be apparent to you, its not so easy for me to get along with someone in close proximity for an extended period. So when it happens and then it ends, its a major downer.

Which can pretty much describe this whole past week.

As well as the last few years, come to think of it. Hmmmmmm.

To recap: I was let go from what was for the most part ( until recently ) a very sweet job situation, in a particularly painful way. Very soon after this, the implosion of my personal/romantic thing out here followed. Timing is everything. These both followed on the heels by the striking realization that if I was going to exist out here, it would be at subsistence level and without much by way of support structures.

In the end, I figured it was better to perform what Chris called a tactical withdrawal and regroup in the land of cows and farms.

As I said, my roommates a great guy; and its not like I don't have friends out here. Charles is one of my closest friends ever, and hes only a bike ride away. Another buddy of mine is also here a youngin, but a good guy. But none of these people can bear the brunt of what I need at the moment from my friends. Charles has a family, and cant really devote too much time to the Buddy thing. My young buddy has drama of his own, and lots of it. My roommate and I are just getting to know one another so pretty much, Im on my own. My social circle is not up to what I need from it, at the moment. This is startling and a bit frustrating, as Ive been sort of honing the whole Strider the Ranger thing for a while. But here, now, I need people.

This fact, taken together with the aforementioned relationship implosion and the no-more-job thing, makes for a pretty brutal set of circumstances.

But Pete, youre in Hawaii

Er, yea.

One of the many lessons Ive learned here at least for me: living in Eden means way little if you dont have good work, and if your personal thing goes to hell. Paradise is something you enjoy when everything else is going pretty well.

You say to yourself with a smile and look another perfect sunset. Ahhhhhh -this- is paradise.

The perfect sunset is no substitute for close friends in a time of need, a loving relationship and a good, secure job you enjoy. A lesson Ive learned is that Id probably take those three in Anchorage or Chechnya or downtown Detroit instead of their absence on Kauai.

Quite the kick in the balls, this lesson.

But, its good to be learning, I think. This of course adds to the total count of Major Life changes Ive had in the last few years and thats probably not a good thing. But maybe Im getting better at it? I know I dont feel that way, at this moment. Im pretty down, actually. : / But I know Ill bounce.

Marius, GenCon, and familiar cultural landscape will all help with this, I suspect.


Things I need to blog about:

The Plan
Life in Hawaii
The Girl Who Must Not Be Named
The nonprofit idea: aSaferOnline.org
Morality v. profitability, and the myth of the modern western business ethic
The spirit of Aloha

Thats all for now. Sorry about the absence, everyone. Big things have been happening. Some Ive been asked not to write about, some I wasnt really aware of until just now, the twilight of their relevancy in my life. More soon.

~long sigh~ Everything I wrote about in a past blog, about Hawaii... still true. I am down, but not out.

Another battle lost, but not the war.
But tomorow's another day,
and I'm thirsty anyway,

So bring on the rain...